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Saylor72299
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Name: Joshua Paul
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Cincinnati
Gender: Male
Interests: So many, too many to list. I have more interests than I can physically or mentally attend to. I am interested in my process of continuing growth of becoming the person I am to be.
Expertise: Basically, EVERYTHING. No not really, I don't think I am an expert at anything at all. I guess, I am an expert at being confused, it's almost my continuous state of being...
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  Rolyas72299
Yahoo:  saylor72299@yahoo.com
Member Since:
2/22/2004
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| I feel like I am in a giant room with many doors. Most of the doors seem open and I try to venture towards it, as I am about to reach it the door slams shut. I sit and fret over the shut door for a moment then realize that the door next to it is open as well, so I seek to go through that open door and as I approach the door it too slams shut. The same is true with the next. Now I am frantically moving from door to door only to find each shutting sooner and sooner.
All this crap about a door shutting and a window opening...I live in a room full of shutting doors and no window. I am trapped and alone...
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| I feel lost and alone, desperately searching for someone to know me.
The hope I once strongly held is seemingly slipping through my fingers.
I want to have a purpose, I want love to flow out of my being.
However, I feel that maybe some are destined for heartache...
...The feeling I cannot shake - I am strong as I have always been.
Yet I see my strength fleeting from me for I see no point in pressing on towards the emptiness that awaits to consume my life...
Why fight a battle that inevitably cannot be won?
I am weak, I am tired...
...life escapes me now
...as I sink further into the depth and filth of my despair
...ceasing to be, ceasing to matter
...It crashes down, my inevitable ending
it is finished...
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| Tired,
so very tired
It's difficult being unseen
As the person I am
Not the person percieved
Reputations,
are rough so hard to break
Images are hard to erase
That seem to fit
Please understand the pain
Changing,
the ongoing struggle of life
Not who I was, but who I am
Is now what I longingly seek
For someone to believe in this changed man
Forgiveness,
alludes me still
The hope of love
Nowhere to be found
Peace of mind...lost without a sound | | |
| Running out of darkness
Into the fullness of the light
The sun offers no comfort
Is there any winning this fight
Living with memories
Of past mistakes I've made
The pain on the inside trys to fade
Yet, the scars will always remain
A haunting place, I hide
Deep into the black
Stranded in the depths of the mind
Salvation I just cannot find
How long must the waiting go?
seconds, minutes, hours, days
There is no relief from this cold dark cage
How much pain must I pay?
Please forgive me
For all the mistakes I've made
Give me one more chance to be saved | | |
| Dagger of words tear my heart
Memories once forgot, now in view
Bliss never played the part
Dark shadows heed the cue
Insanity, the pain filled life
Blackness covers the soul
Just never was right
Help was always out of sight
How does it come to this?
Why so far?
A search of desperation for a guide
Finding, a place unknown
Paying the price to be alone
A man without a home
All alone, no friend, no one to call his own
Into the abyss
Drowning the sorrows of the past
One final breath...the last | | |
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